i'm signing you up for texting rehab
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
