i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
