I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Randomize
