we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
