i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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