That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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