I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
