i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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