I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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