dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
