32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
