Swine flu. Run for my life!
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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