i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
