I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
