Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
