apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
