Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
