batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
that may or may not have been my penis.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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