What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
