just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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