Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I still have a little drunk in my system
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
