gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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