I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
The air taste purple.
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