Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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