i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Randomize
