I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
