literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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