i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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