DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
This is the high leading the old right now
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize
