i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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