If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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