I like to think it a success when the cops are called
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
