I got her a Nickelback box set.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
