recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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