You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
