YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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