Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
