Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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