How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Randomize
