Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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