Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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