I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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