I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
i think my cat just said my name.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Did you pee in the oven last night??
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
