if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I need a beard to bite.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
