matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Can you bring me the toilet please
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
