The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
