Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
50% drunk capacity currently
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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