I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
