I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
