Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
