Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
i am craving dick and cupcakes
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
