Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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