I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
