3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
