We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
