U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
